Finals awake the intense anxiety in me.
I lost it. Truly. The weekend before finals I don't recall consuming anything other than alcohol and bacon, and alcohol-laced bacon.
I was scared. Paralyzed. Unable to move because of fear of the unknown. My psychologist calls it "anticipation anxiety." Yep, that sounds right.
it's like I don't know what's going to happen and the fear controls me – lays me in bed for hours when I should be studying, but what to study when I dont know what's on the test. Ugh!
So, I broke. I wanted to be void of all emotion and anxiety. No worry. A self-medicated relaxation.
No eating. Exercise. Alcohol. Bad choice... in hindsight, of course.
At the end of my restriction bender my fiancee found me pseudo-comatose in bed contemplating partial treatment.
Many times I like to feel like I've dealt with my anxiety. But, the reality is, I struggle daily.
I struggle daily.
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