the body check 1

ok, so this is a retro post.

Today, i noticed myself looking at parts of my body that are un comfortable to me:
1) abdomen
2) theighs

What am i supposed to do?
in treatment we're taught to not look at our triggering body parts. if we do, we logically, rationally examine them in a clinical setting. home is not like that.

I was doing well for a long long long time. but over the last month (may), I've been lifting up my shirt when i go to the bathroom, spending excessive time in front of the mirror changing and occasionally pinching what i believe to be body fat.

What is happening to me? why, all of a sudden, do i feel the urge to eat nothing all day and exercise forever? I don't get it.
though, i have several theories (maybe later)

I hope i lose weight for summer.
I shouldn't think that is true. but a part of me does.

hmmm, we'll see.

the season

Finally, it's that time of year when i get to bike everywhere. No gas, no engine, no traffic. Only the power of my legs. Oh! What a happy time.

When I bike to and from work it seems as though I allow myself to eat whatever I want. And that's good. But, the days that i don't bike, then, become difficult. Like i'm not doing anything deserving of food.

A part of me thinks if i were to bike every day i would eat enough. unfortunately, i cannot (for whatever reason), which leaves awkward restriction days in between days of legitimate eating/exercise.

I think i can keep this up. whatever "this" is.