The sport of Golf

Tomorrow I will golf. I am not a golfer. I do not golf. But tomorrow afternoon will will play the game of golf. I will attempt to hit a small white ball with my old vintage wooden club. I'm told golfing is similar to fishing; scoring matters little compared to the time enjoyed in nature with friends. In that respect, I am looking forward to golf. I haven't always been this optimistic about the game. For many years the thought of playing produced a sour feeling in my stomach.

My aversion to golf no doubt stems from my dislike of perpetuating the male stereotype. In this case embodied by comedian/sitcom actor Ray Romano, who, instead of helping his wife at home or spending time with his young children, was always humorously "playing golf". I know the point was to have Raymond in a funny situation when he is gone. Or make his wife Debra funnily deal with home life alone. I suppose in looking for an identity all men can relate to they went chose golf, the hallmark of the male wasted weekend. A sport almost designed to exclude the family.

Clearly, I'm resisting a sport to not imply I am ignoring family or friends, something of which my family would never accuse me. So I find then imperative I am doing for the right reasons -- it's fun.

One could also say I'm suggesting a woman in incapable of operating a home without a male. Obviously not my opinion if you know me. I just don't like guys, as defined by popular culture. The football watching, mother-in-law hating, emotion resisting guy's guy advertisers make men think they should be... a discussion for another time.

So that's me and golf.

Similarities of French and American election promises

I understand the realities of compromise in politics. But I feel some people are still surprised when their elected candidate conceeds or schemes with the opposition.
For example, the EU decisions do not depend on one country. Mr Sarkozy had to negotiate with a many different countries, with different economic goal and a variety of other priorities. For the French populice to believe Mr Hollande will simply arrive at the soonest summit and have his countries demands met first is unrealistic.

Really? Because every other country is expecting the exact same thing from their newly elected candidate. So the best any one individual can do, and this is in any multi-party representative government mind you, is make policy closely resembling what their constituents want with the fewest concessions to the opponents.

Think Hungry-Hungry Hippo on an international level. Except instead of tiny plastic balls, they are grabbing political clout and policy.

And the candidates play into it, promising to raise taxes on the wealthy to 75% (Hollande) or dismantle social healthcare benefits (Mitt Romney, US presidential candidate). So we the voters place our bets on the dream, thinking if we get enough support the candidate of our choice will be able to meet his promises.
The reality is he or she is just another hippo grabbing at the same amount of pellets. Who are you sending in? And what do you expect them to grab?

Jeans and Cyclists... and logic bullets!

Admittedly my physical self-=perception maybe already be a little off, but here's the problem as I've heard it from cyclists other than myself. Straight leg and some regular fit jeans or dress pants do not fit. The waist and length are always fine. It's the hip area that's tight. A lot of cyclists have large quadricep muscles in their legs, making for a tighter than normal fit.

Now, I'm probably the only one who cares this much. I'm certain other bikers just deal with it (I don't know how), but it's terrible to comfortably wear only baggy pants. I'm not some punk teeneager skating about disrupting the establishment.

For me, in the past though less recently, it's a matter of contention with my eating disorder. When I wear a pair of jeans that don't fit my theighs I fear I'm getting fat. Then I start pinching what I believe (falsely) to be excess fat on my legs wondering how the hell it got there and how much I have to workout to lose it.

Reality eventually kicks in and I smirk at the thought of cycling to lose size, as it is muscle not fat, on my legs. It irrational that I would expect to lose leg size when I'm in love with biking everywhere -- to work, shopping, recreation -- and in the process make my muscles more effective. Meaning noticably more defined and slightly larger. I try not to call myself an idiot, but with such a glaring example of body distortion and false reasoning it is difficult.

I fight with reason. Firing logic bullets at fallacies. Boom! Suck it up and tell myself how helpful my legs are. Shit, I've earned these. Cycling to and from work 12 months a year for the last four years. I'm thankful for my biker legs. haha that does sond kinda goofy... but it's true.

If you're reding this and have the same issue as me; or maybe your arms don't fit sleeves well; or there is another physical definition you have from work or activities. Next time, before you complain about fit or look, join me in acceptance.
Jeans don't fit? Whatever, I'd rather be thankful I have muscle and skill to continue on of my great passions in life.

On days when I feel vulnerable to my eating disorder I look down at my legs and say, "Hell yeah I made it to work with my own two legs, fueled by an adequate breakfast."

Characters are still when I'm gone.

I left Emma and Michael on the Penn Farm for 16hrs yesterday. Normally not a big deal, but it was only recently that the bodies of the dead, strewn across the streets and yardsof this small english town, started moving. Dead, and moving. First we tried to gather a large group of folks in a near community center, but clashing personalities divided the group. Myself and several others split and left for the city. Hoping for supplies and food we stopped at the farm outside the limits. Been living there for a few days. The walking corpses became more aggressive. Carl, who had been with us since the beginning, returned to the community center late wednesday riding a motorcycle he found on our lst trip to the city. We barricaded the farmstead with whatever waste we could find around the out-building. It was last night they came. Staggering and stumbling toward the make-shift fence, rapping a the gate with their bleeding raw boney hands. And that's when I had to go to work...

I left Michael and Emma standing there in the hallway of that aged home which may soon become their final resting place. Wearily looking out the picture window at a field of the undead advancing slowly and stubbornly across the unkempt yard, ever more aware of their short future, they wept.

Tonight when after work I'll finish the book and follow Emma and Michael to the finish. Because if I don't they will be forever in limbo. Paused in time. Waiting for the story to continue. I will help them.

... said the sailor to the tattoo

Ask and I'll gladly show you. There's no reason to lift up my shirt sleeve, rub my arm like my tattoos are going to come off. Yes, they're real. And some have significant personal meaning, but I don't feel like telling any stranger that asks.

It's great that people are curious and enjoy looking at my arm. I think it looks cool too, but I the idea wasn't to entertain. Sometimes I prefer to wear longsleeves. Not because I'm embarassed, but because I want to keep them to myself for a while.

Ideas of identity, purpose and motivation keep traveling to the front of my mind, they take up residence there, set up camp, light a fire and sing songs. Unfortunately I need that room for other things like short term recall and quick reference. So I give them physical form. An image, applied to the skin, which frees room in my conscious mind. An expression that cannot be continually held, but can be forever displayed.

That's why I have tattoos.
They free me. They clear my mind. They make life easier. Like a to-do list of thoughts I can ruminate upon and examine at my leisure without worry they will disappear if I let them go. There always to never be forgotten. I love it.

Boys of Summer '12

It started when I woke. Had scrambled eggs, pancakes, good coffee.
Grabbed my bicycle and sprinted to a doctor's appointment. Five miles later I arrived somewhat achey and sweaty. The first thing I had to get over biking everywhere was, Yes, I'll be wet when I arrive. some folks may look, but whatever I moved here with my legs. And with many things in life, excluding death, that salt-caked sweaty feeling will not last forever. In fact, with practice the body will rebound much faster.

By the time I was done filling out forms and the nurse came to check me in I was completely dryand my heart rate and breating had recovered. Easy Peasy.

Couple checks -- bend here, cough there -- and i was on way way home facing the wind that so kindly helped me there. Oh! The great equality of nature.

Finished reading Mile Markers by Kristin Armstrong then it was time for Thursday tennis with my friend Tom. First game of the year. Yes! First golf game of the year next week.

There was time for video games and more reading before I went to bed. Couldn't have asked for a better summer day. Which is awesome because I'm certain I'll have many days like this until the snow falls. I was smiling the whole day! What sun and activity and friends does for the spirit medication cannot replicate. It's pure joy and light and laughter. God, I love summer.
I must only remember to eat. That's it.

Hooah!

Decided to join the Army. I want to be a combat medic. Go in with my unit, keep 'em all in one piece if I can. Incredible experience.

I have been thinking about joining the army for some time. In 2003 I met with a communications seargent to consider journalism and broadcast jobs. And again in 2006 when I was going to college in Missoula, MT. Every couple years I get the idea. This time it's holding strong.

The paramedic trainging I'm going to get will be some of the best in the country, and nationally certified. I would be able to do things in a combat zone that even a nurse wouldn't be able to do as a civilian. I can think of no better way to train in trauma medicine.

Quite excited about this plan. Had a meeting yesterday with a seargent Miller, exchanged some information so we can start the process of enlistment. I wasn't sure how to go about it at first. What if they asked about the prescriptions I was on? Or psychological history including my inpatient hospitalisations for an eating disorder? Do I answer questions straight or lie and probably increase my chances of becoming accepted?

Hopefully, I made the correct choice. I didn't want to start a new chapter in my life with dishonesty. He said the only thing that may be an issue are my scheduled medications, because if i were deployed into a dangerous environment they could not assure i would receive them. Also, withdrawal without gradual reduction could have some negative side effects.

Step 2: I have to contact the hospital in Bismarck where I had knee surgeries and request documents be sent to the US Army doctors for review.
Here we go.