10 Goodreads Review Wins

1
 Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

"I could bang Mr. Rochester like a screen door 'till next Tuesday.
That's about all I got from this book, honestly..."



2
Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh

"Fuck me insensible. Oh ya cunt, ya! Ah dinnae watch the movie, bit ma heid’s spinnin fae readin this shite, ah kin fuckin tell ye. The book’s no novel – mair a collection ay short stories, likesay, aboot a bunch ay Scot junkies. The cunts go aroond, fartin n shitein n shootin smack. The book is written in the Scottish dialect, sortay like whit ah’m tryin tae imitate, ken whit ah mean? It wisnnae easy fe us tae git intae it. It made us scoobied aboot whit the cunts were sayin, likesay, bit after a while it became very enjoyable, ken. There’s like a hundred “cunts” in ivry paragraph ay this book, bit it doesnnae mean bad. Ivrybody jist caws ivrybody a cunt – no offense meant or taken, likesay. Bit nivir caw a lassie a cunt – thit shite is sexist. "

3
On a Winter's Night a Traveler by Italo Calvino














"YO DAWG, I HEARD YOU LIKE READING, SO I PUT A BOOK IN YO' BOOK, SO YOU CAN READ WHILE YO' READ."




4
The Thin Man by Dashiell Hammett

"The Thin Man is best read with a drink in hand. Do you have a drink? Do you need a refresher? Would you like another? Above all else, it is important that you be drinking!

Seriously...DRINK!

My god, a lot of alcohol is consumed in this book! It reads as if Ernest Hemingway had taken up crime noir."




5
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky













"Cyprus hill said it best, "there is something you can't understand. how i could just kill a man."




6
Maus by Art Spiegelman

It didn’t dawn on me until later that this brilliant piece of graphic artistry and fiction is actually a very clever allegory. On the face of it, we’re led to believe that it’s a story of the terrible suffering perpetrated by the Nazis against the Jews in Poland and throughout Europe. But if you scratch beneath the surface, I think you’ll find that this particular holocaust story was made to symbolize something more pervasive and endemic. I speak of the horrific violence that persists to this da...mo""It didn’t dawn on me until later that this brilliant piece of graphic artistry and fiction is actually a very clever allegory. On the face of it, we’re led to believe that it’s a story of the terrible suffering perpetrated by the Nazis against the Jews in Poland and throughout Europe. But if you scratch beneath the surface, I think you’ll find that this particular holocaust story was made to symbolize something more pervasive and endemic. I speak of the horrific violence that persists to this day; that inflicted by cats on defenseless mice. Perhaps the most obvious clue that this is, in truth, the intended theme lies in the title itself: Maus. For those of you unfamiliar with German, this is their word for mouse. Beyond that, when you look carefully at the drawings, you see that the goose-steppers have distinctly feline features, while the persecuted Jews in the ghettos and camps have rodent-like proboscides and disproportionately small eyes."

7

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

"It was like raking my fingernails across a chalkboard while breathing in a pail of flaming cat hair and drinking spoiled milk, meanwhile Conrad is screaming DARKNESS DARKNESS OOOH LOOK AT MY METAPHOR ABOUT THE DARKNESSSSSSSSSSS like a fucking goth on a loudspeaker."

8

American Tabloid by James Ellroy

"Sometimes i chug coffee to the point where i'm glazed with sweat, red-eyed, about to crap my pants, and i throw my headphones on and blast either miles davis bitches brew or motorhead ace of spades. i sit down in front of the computer and write write write. and the result is exactly what you'd imagine from a mediocre writer w/a flair for the hyperbolic all hopped up on caffeine. not too good. imagine, however, if a brilliant writer, a demented rotgut-drunk coozehound of a bastard did what i did and laid out some genius shit... you'd have something like american tabloid. "




9
Smashed by Koren Zailckas

"... With the amount of alcohol Zailckas speaks of having consumed, she still sounds like a child. I appreciate her honesty in admitting to all those embarassing moments high on alcohol and pot, but she should have stuck to writing poetry about dried flowers and broken fingernails.

All the childish intensity glaring from her ridiculous picture on the back of the book can't improve the drolling story which only inspired me to pour those stiff drinks and "breathe the sugary smell of hard alcohol" while "a buzz comes on like sweet music".

The result is a whining, draining, waste of time that I could have spent getting drunk--but now she's taught me how."




10
The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

"For cheap supermarket fiction, this sure was cheap supermarket fiction. It would have helped if this was the first book I had ever read. Unfortunately, having read Curious George as a child (a towering work of literary genius by comparison), The DaVinci Code suffered perhaps unjustly."